Although blockchain stocks and bitcoin news are usually pretty serious topics given their role in technology and finance, not every bit of the blockchain news feed is devoid of humor entirely. Previous article “Why Ethereum Could Hit $4,000 In 2018,” despite its straightforward title, hinted at the lighter side of cryptocurrency news due to its mention of Ethereum based game CryptoKitties.
Now that the hit HBO show Last Week Tonight with John Oliver focused on cryptocurrency this week, there are even more reasons to laugh while covering actual cryptocurrency news.
Oliver discussed the cryptocurrency conference which stopped accepting Bitcoin payments due to slow settlement speeds as well as the burgeoning Bitcoin music industry. At one point, Oliver explained how, since Bitcoin is an open-source software, budding miners have created over 1,500 cryptocurrencies, many of which have some rather ridiculous names.
Here is a list of the 12 forms of cryptocurrency Oliver mocked; despite the silly names, some of these are legitimate altcoins with applicable potential in the cryptocurrency industry and elsewhere.
Titcoin has been dubbed “the official cryptocurrency of porn and adult entertainment.” Titcoin claims to process transactions in under six minutes, but, it’s real appeal is that its users pay for adult products and services without creating a paper trail. Titcoin has even received several nominations at the XBIZ Awards for adult entertainment.
Jesus Coin aims to “decentralize Jesus” as “the currency of God’s son.” Unlike other “morally bereft” forms of cryptocurrency, Jesus Coin offers moral absolution. Following in the materialistic example set by Christ, it aims to become more valuable than the Christian church itself by 2050. Jesus said nothing about keeping cryptocurrency in a digital wallet, of course.
TrumpCoin is intended for supporters of President Donald Trump, although he did not create nor endorse this cryptocurrency. TrumpCoin can be given to investors and then forwarded to Trump as donations in true Donnie fashion. Users can keep the coins, like their phony Trump University degrees, since 45 wants them to be “better off financially.”
Clams‘s website promises a network “freed from tyranny,” with anyone using Clams software on their computer eligible to create and transfer coins within one minute of first use. Clams seem like the hippie anarchist’s choice of cryptocurrency. This system theoretically ensures “freedom, fairness and equality” so users can “dig for clams”.
Insane Coin’s website lists many possible use cases for the digital token including messaging, coding, content distribution and data checking. The website also hopes to open an “Insane Space” where users can “get those creative juices flowing” and “make the future happen.” Whatever that means.
Following coins inspired by the oldest profession, politics, insanity, and religion come cryptocurrency forms with silly names, but, more typical purposes.
Electroneum is a mobile currency available on both the App Store and Google Play. Electroneum claims to be secure, private, and designed for mass adoption with access to over 100 million smartphone users who can mine their first coins minutes within downloading the app whose mining feature went live just last week.
Particl takes privacy extremely seriously. Particl bills itself as a “privacy platform” and “the Swiss Army knife of cryptocurrency.” Its marketplace is anonymously encrypted and all transactions are untraceable. Furthermore, Particl is governed by its community of stakeholders rather than an executive team or third-party group thereby enhancing its position as a decentralized cryptocurrency.
Plutus adopts cryptocurrency for the credit card era. Once users download Plutus they get a Plutus debit card so they can use the currency in any of the over 40 million stores which accept credit cards with no transactions fees.
Snovio will help users find sales leads instantly so they can target specific demographics. Snovio ensures that users have the most up-to-date, relevant data on phone numbers and email addresses which business owners can pay for in a transparent, decentralized marketplace. Snovio’s proprietary leads mailing list launches next month.
NuBits offers a free wallet to download available for Windows, Mac, Android and Linux users. Each NuBit is sold for $1 for a one to one ratio. There are no vendor fees and transaction fees are minimal.
Deep Onion is an anonymous, untraceable currency. Deep Onion features special protections against hacking and attacks by bad actors or government agencies. Payments can be sent and received instantly throughout the world. Its mascot wears a Guy Fawkes mask, so, you know he’s serious about enhancing the revolutionary branding. “I tried to come up with a dumber name than Deep Onion, but, it just can’t be done,” said an exasperated John Oliver of this coin.
These 12 forms of cryptocurrency sound like a bad punchline, but, are in fact, real companies trying to earn a share of the blockchain pie.
It will be interesting to see if these names resurface into more serious cryptocurrency news in the future. Check back in for any further developments!